With the tree up and decorated, the stockings hung, the outside lights hung, you would think that we look like a family that is getting ready for Christmas to make its debut for 2010. Well, what if you took this family of mine and looked at us individually under a microscope. Would we still look the same??
First, there's Cadence. She's the type of kid that wakes up every morning asking if Santa came. I am guessing that this kid is ready for it.
Secondly, is Chazlyn. This is a kid who 9 times out of 10, is happy! Doubt that she's showing signs of not being ready.
Third is Clint. He just wants the girls to be happy and to have a happy childhood. Kind of thinking it's not him either.
Fourth is me... Well, I lost Granny. And when that happened, I just kind of let Christmas Days flame flicker a little. I don't mean to sound selfish, but the Christmas days that I have had with Granny, well, she just made the day Christmas for me. It wasn't the presents, or all the food, or even family gatherings. It was my Granny that made that day easier for me to go to and feel content. While everyone would be upstairs laughing and talking, where was I?? Downstairs with Granny. It's going to be the moments like that that I am missing the most... Can I just go about it and make it a happy time for my kids??? Yes. Is this is a holiday that I can't wait to see it end??? Yes. Can I carry on without this missing link in my family?? Well yeah, with time, although time is what I think I need more of.
I had a friend tell me that I am not the only one that misses her in my family, but that we all do and that I need to be where that support system is, with those that are more than likely feeling the feelings that I am. I "can" do that, but that's when I feel that things are the toughest, and what if I am not ready for that?? What if, I just wanted to stay home with my own family a year?? Would it really be a bad thing???
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