Here we are a little less than 2 weeks away from marking a 1 year anniversary for my entire family. This is no anniversary that I am to much looking forward to. It's nothing like a wedding anniversary, it's an anniversary that marks the passing of one of my closest, most best friends... I feel blessed to have had this AMAZING woman in my life for a month and a week shy of 26 years. She had the light of Christ in her that she brought with her every where that she went, and touched so many lives. I also feel blessed to have been her name sake. And what a blessing it has been to have taken her name and given it to my first born, but not only that, but to have had her there for the ultrasound when we found out that we were having a a girl and announcing then that we were naming her Cadence ELEANOR! That's a name that I carry, and I carry it with pride. I have been so nervous about seeing the 20th of March. I can't help but reflect back on that day, and what I was doing the day that I got the phone call that my great grandma had passed away. I was celebrating with my husbands side of the family, my daughters 1st birthday. I know on that day that I felt relief. I know that the stroke had no more control over her, and that she was perfect. I somehow managed to get through that day, being happy for my kids, and for the company that that day brought. I was fine for what was maybe a day or 2, and then there I sat. I knew I was going that Sunday before she passed to visit her, since I had sick kids and had been unable to. But Saturday came, and took her before I had the chance to see her one last time. This was a woman that I called everyday. My day was just not complete without hearing from her. So a day or 2 passes and I haven't been able to see or talk to her. Reality sets in. And I cry, and I cry, and I cry! I sit here and think, will the 20th of March be anything like thinking about her on her birthday? Or will this day be even harder? I often think that after a year, I should be healed and be over this, especially having the religious beliefs that I have, I should be okay. But here I sit in front of this computer, my hands trembling, and my voice a little shaky. Could it be just the Spark that I am sitting here drinking, or is it my own insecurity. I have dreaded every holiday and every get together that I have had with my family, just because I knew that Granny wasn't going to be there, yet somehow I managed to get through it. So, will I survive the March 20th?? Without a doubt! I will go to church that day, knowing that I am doing exactly what she would have wanted me to do, and if she were still here, she would have expected me to do.
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